Week 3: Be the Peace Maker

Hello, and welcome to Week 3 of our Holiday Less Stress Challenge!

Have you ever thought about what it means to be a peace maker?

Many people have a strong sense that they don't enjoy conflict.

If you ask them about arguments, they will tell you that they don't like having them.

However, conflict is a part of our everyday lives whether we enjoy it or not. In fact, the dark side of the holiday season is that old holiday arguments and drama often resurface year after year!

If there's more than one person sharing space, doing activities, making decisions, or even just talking… chances are there will be a conflict. At holiday time, we can compound this tenfold.

Knowing this, it's important to ask ourselves WHY we can't deal with conflict.

• Conflict brings up bad feelings.

• Conflict forces us to assert ourselves. (This can be uncomfortable, especially if you're shy or a pleaser by nature.)

• Conflict can bring about disharmony.

• Conflict can ruin trust between two people.

• Conflict can potentially destroy relationships.

So, in a world of conflict, how can you become the peace maker?

First, you may think you know the answer already. You will probably say "avoid getting into disagreements."

But let's think a minute about how disagreements relate to peace.

Disagreements actually DON'T cause use to lose our sense of peace.

FIGHTS do.

What is the difference between a disagreement and a fight?

In a disagreement, two people hold different, opposing viewpoints. Each one may feel strongly about what's being said, or not. But there is likely to be conviction behind each person's statements.

In a constructive disagreement, people express their thoughts respectfully, WITHOUT delivering put-downs and insults.

Two people who amicably disagree can part ways as friends. They have engaged in a respectful exchange of words and ideas.

They agree to disagree. A debate can still result in peaceful relations, even if two people don't agree.

Two people in a fight will part ways as enemies. This is not peaceful.

During a fight, one or both parties do things like belittle, blame, accuse, and disrespect the other person. This is so very common in families where we tend to take each other's good qualities for granted.

It certainly happens during the holiday season, with so much to do, and everyone confined in small spaces together.

To be a peace maker, avoid fights. Show empathy and respect during a disagreement.

At holiday time, we can predict who in our family is going to say what. In doing so, it's possible to head off a potential disagreement by proactively changing our behavior and being conscious of what we say and how we say it.

Did you know?

Disagreements are actually useful. They help people negotiate for compromise.

In a compromise, two people meet halfway.

Practice living peacefully, yet with purpose.

Peace between people happens when everybody gets at least some of what they want.

As mentioned before, some people try to avoid having disagreements with others. They feel that this keeps the peace.

But, to be a true peace maker, one needn't compromise one's own wishes, thoughts or ideas. Why? Suppressing yourself causes resentment. You're being "agreeable," on the surface, but inside you're angry.

You feel like you're not being heard. Your needs remain unmet. This will not bring peace to your heart.

JOURNAL IT:

Write down your intentions for bringing more peace into your life.

Describe what it might mean to be peaceful, yet purposeful.

• How do you feel when a conflict happens between you and other people?

• Are you able to articulate in a peaceful way?

• What can you do in the future to make sure your needs are met and your ideas known, while still expressing yourself in a peaceful fashion?

• Have you ever played the role of peace maker between others? What did you do or say to help them resolve a conflict and part ways as friends?

Write down the small ways that family personalities clash at holiday time.
How can you choose to approach with a peaceful solution?

For my paying supporters: Did you download your Holiday Journal already? What do you think about it? Is this helping you to journal your thoughts and bring some peace of mind? I also strongly invite you to read the rest of this message to discover a new exercise and extra tips to help you integrate more peace into your holiday season.